Day 35 - Don't Be A Stumbling Block

 Today's Scripture: Romans 14:1-23

Today's Devotional: If you're hurting all the time, you can't help hurting other people, but if you will do what it takes to Biblically manage toxic relationships, then you can be strong and share the love of God to people who need to know Him. Strive to manage the toxic relationships in your life, and more importantly, strive to make sure you aren't being the toxic one in your relationships.

Response by: Chad Schuchmann

Hurt people, hurt people.  Toxic people, create other toxic people.  But healthy relationships lead to even more healthy relationships.  We can learn to manage ourselves and avoid toxicity if we can learn healthy ways to respond to the toxic people in our lives.

The absolute best way we avoid toxic people is by refusing to become toxic ourselves.  In today's scripture passage, Paul writes, 

Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister. (v13)

He continues in verses 15 and 19,

If your brother or sister is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. (v15)

Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.  (v19)

Okay, confession time...I don't often think about how my actions will impact someone else, much less what I eat.  But I think I get what Paul is trying to say here.  If I am aware that someone does, or might, struggle with a particular sin or behavior, then it is probably best I stay away from that behavior, even if it isn't a "stumbling block for me."

What does this mean?  If I have a friend who has an addiction to alcohol, or who has people very close to him (or her) who have struggled with addictions to alcohol, then it is probably best for me to avoid cracking open a cold one or mixing up a cocktail in their presence.  If my action causes them to stumble, or causes hurt because of another persons association to that action, then it is best I not pursue it, especially in their presence or when it could influence them.

Make EVERY effort to do what leads to peace.  Act in Love.  Stop Judging.  Make up your mind not to cause others to stumble.  It's pretty hard to allow the influence of, or become toxic, if these things other things are present first and foremost.

Something to talk about: What are some things you can to do to build healthier relationships in your life?

Day 34 - Community

Today's Scriptures: Acts 15:22-41, 2 Corinthians 6:14-18, Deuteronomy 7:1-6

Today's Devotional: Even though it may not be easy, your toxic relationship may grow to such a dangerous point that you may have to end it. Today you will read more from God's Word about why it is sometimes necessary to end a toxic relationship, and examples of toxic relationships that ended.

Response by: Nick Baker

God has not created us to experience life alone, but to live in community with others. So what do you do when a member of your “community” is toxic? At what point do you make a decision to keep this person in your life, or remove them from it, altogether? Relationships are very important to our growth and development as people and it can be hard to decide that one of these connections is no longer one that you want to be a part of. It can be painful. It can resurrect old hurts. It can alter other relationships that you have.

It may be painful to “cut out” toxic people or relationships, but God is more interested in your character than your comfort. That’s not to suggest that God doesn’t care if you hurt. Rather, it means that He would rather see you living a life for Him than anything else…even if it hurts a little. Your Christian character is what He cares most about. You could be living in the biggest home, have the best looking clothes, drive the fastest cars, wear the shiniest jewelry, or own the most impressive résumé. In short, you could be living a life chock full of physical comfort. Even with all this, if you are living a toxic lifestyle, speaking toxic words, or not living a life for the Lord, what does that say about your character?

God doesn’t want us to live in the dark. He crated us to live in the light and find ourselves in community with other believers who are there to shoulder the load and help us through this thing called Life. When we surround ourselves with the kind of people that will help us grow…rather than lead us to destruction…we find that God is with us as well.

Something to talk about: Why do you think we tend to have more toxic relationships in our lives instead of healthy ones?

Day 33 - Who's Got Your Back

Today’s Scripture:  Genesis 39:1-23

Today’s Devotional:  Another way to handle toxic relationships is to end them. The Bible is full of examples of people who cut off their toxic relationships such as Joseph and Potiphar's wife in Genesis 39.

Response by: Jay Vance

So this May I’m going to attempt something that four years ago was nothing more than a big joke to me.  Run a marathon.  26.2 miles.  Yep, it’s crazy.  And yep, it’s a lot of work.  So how will I get it done?  Excuse the cliche but it’s true here, one step at a time.  

There’s just one way for me to actually complete this, make a plan and execute it.  But I’m not in this alone.  If left to do it on my own, no chance.  I’m not going out and running 20 miles just because I need to do it to train (I do have one of those planned, anyone wanting to join in for a nice jog?).  No, WE Run is there, running with me, making sure I don’t just take the easy way out and cut my miles short.  We're there for one another, talk during the week and find out when everyone else is running so we can do it together.  And it’s not just the members running there for us:  my wife is there encouraging me on every training run, my small group is there as we have some seasoned runners there giving advice on what to do and what not to do, and I asked another experienced marathoner for help and he provided a daily training plan to help me get there.  That's just a few of the people providing us help and support every single day.  

How would I do if these people weren’t there for me?  Or if one of the runners I’ve ran with so far looked at me over and over and said, “you’re crazy for thinking you can do this.  You've got no shot; you’re not going to make it!”  I’ll tell you how, they’d be right.  I couldn’t, and more realistically, I wouldn’t.  

It’s all about being around people who are there for you, helping you stay the course.  If those people would show up, I need to make sure to just avoid them at all costs, cutting contact with them entirely if necessary.  It’s just not worth the effort of putting up with people who are going to bring me down, I want to partner up with those who got my back!

The same was true for Joseph in Genesis. He was in Egypt, and because he followed God; God had his back!  He had everything set up for him: a great job, a great boss, and was succeeding at everything.  There was one problem:  His bosses wife.  She wanted more from Joseph than permitted, and so he resisted.  He avoided her, not wanting her to be able to bring him down.  But one day, she trapped him and it cost him everything, ending up in jail.  So, now he’s in jail, and God is still there for him (anyone surprised?).  “But the Lord was with Joseph in the prison and showed him his faithful love. And the Lord made Joseph a favorite with the prison warden. Before long, the warden put Joseph in charge of all the other prisoners and over everything that happened in the prison. The warden had no more worries, because Joseph took care of everything. The Lord was with him and caused everything he did to succeed.”  (Verses 21-23)

So we need to remember that if there is someone who’s not there for us, do we really want that person there for us?  God’s got our back, ALL THE TIME!!!  How encouraging, exciting, and inspiring for us to remember!  

Something to talk about:  In what types of circumstances do you feel it would be necessary to end a toxic relationship?

Day 32 - Healthy Boundaries

Today's Scripture: Matthew 16:21-28

Today's Devotional: Matthew 16 shows us that one way to manage toxic relationships is to set healthy boundaries in the way Jesus did with Peter. You might need to tell that person that you won't let them talk to you or treat you in a toxic way, or you may simply need to tell them that you are just not going to go to a toxic place in your relationship with them.

Response by: Morgan Coil
Healthy boundaries. Boundaries are awesome. In relationships and just life in general. With people it's good to have boundaries between each other because then you can know what to expect of each other.

I have boundaries with not only my friends but my family as well. Boundaries lead to well communicated relationships. With friends or just people at school in general I like to think of boundaries as a way to protect and guard my heart. I have my values and my beliefs and if I can set a standard for myself and let others know, I can prevent myself from being placed in toxic situations.

I'm not saying toxic situations are completely removed from my life but the more people know about my values, the more respect I receive with keeping those values. It's also a way to be held accountable.

Simple boundaries can lead to great changes in your spiritual life.


Something to talk about:  What types of healthy boundaries do you need establish in your relationships? How will you go about setting those boundaries?

Day 31 - Chances Are

Today's Scripture: 1 John 3:1-24

Today's Devotional: There are three common types of toxic relationships: negative, controlling, and the tempters.  Chances are you have experienced all three of these toxic relationships in your life.  Chances are that you have been toxic to someone else in one of these three ways.  Do as God's Word says and don't let yourself be deceived and led astray by toxic relationships.  More importantly, don't be toxic to others because you will lead them astray.

Response by: Doug Giffin
Every relationship we have can be toxic, even our relationship to God.  Do I have your attention?  (Think Scribes and Pharisees)  In business I hear all the time, “This is a relationship industry.”  In social settings, “Well we had a relationship with them from work so we decided to have our son join the same baseball team.”  At church, “I never would have gone there but Kathy does, so I thought I would try it out.”  The way the word is bandied about you’d think it’s one of the single most important parts of our life.  And you’d be right.

We humans crave a connection.  That’s why relationships matter.  Sure, today the relationship might just be over Twitter but it’s still a relationship.  Ask Manti Te’o.  Talk about toxic!  Call the CDC.  Relationships get us in trouble.  We convolute them (or others do).  We make them what they aren’t and never were intended to be and we suffer for it.  Call them negative, controlling or the tempters (sounds like a 60’s group) but they go bad.  Like a loaf of bread that’s been in the pantry a while, we would be wise to examine them before we partake.  Some people always see decay and never do.  That’s too bad because relationships can be the most fulfilling, rewarding, life-giving things we experience while we’re here on earth.

I thank God for all my relationships, good and bad, because they’ve made me who I am today and they’ve made me a wiser and fuller person.  True, I have what I consider a healthy skepticism, especially when red flags go up but it’s often those people I have a healthy, close relationship with that help me see the flag.  I hope that someday I’ll be able to repay those whose relationship has meant so much to me.  I hope to pay forward on some of my own relationships, both current and future, so I can have that meaning to another that I was blessed with when I needed it most.

Something to talk about: What types of toxic relationships do you currently have more of in your life?  How can you change the way you relate to others and work towards being less toxic towards those with whom you connect?

Day 30 - Set Boundaries

Today's Scripture: 2 Timothy 2:14-26

Today's Devotional: The right people will build you up and lead you towards Christ, but if you are around the wrong people they can be very toxic.  They can hurt your soul.  They can hurt your relationships.  They can lead you into temptation.  They can drag you down.  They can very easily take you away from God's best.

Response by: Brad Krebs

Tha author Craig spends a good time discussing the importance of surrounding yourself with Godly influences. He identifies the three common toxic relationships: the negatives, the controllers, and the tempers. The question of the week is which is more prevalent in your life. This is difficult for me because as I look at the descriptions from the small group book, none of my close friends would match the descriptions fully. I enjoy the people I surround myself with.  They often challenge me to be a better person.

But if you look at each person in your life, including your own life, we can see that toxic relationship behaviors are prevalent in everyone.  I think that can make it harder. When someone is mostly positive, we instinctively dismiss some of the toxic behaviors that may drag us down. In Romans 12 (from last Monday) Paul argues that we must rid ourselves from things of this world. That being of the world is being out of God. Today's scripture reiterates this point. Those who live in sin, can't live in God.

Now I don't think that this means we need to rid ourselves of all friends. No one is perfect and no one can live without sin (also from Paul), but we can set up boundaries in our lives to help keep us from going down a negative path. Make the conscious decision not to participate in negative behaviors. Make the decision to separate yourself when people travel down the toxic path. Only you can make the decision to live in Christ and not in sin.

Something to talk about: In what ways have toxic relationships polluted your life and your relationship with God?

Day 29 - Toxic Relationships

Today's Scripture: 1 Corinthians 15:12-24

Today's Devotional: The people in your life can be one of the most important spiritual assets or be one of your worst curses. Those relationships that are a curse to you are toxic. This week you learn from God's Word about the dangers of toxic relationships and the importance of surrounding yourself with the right people.

Response by: Nick Baker
I went to a seminar once where the speaker gave an illustration on relationships between believers in Christ and unbelievers. He asked us to picture two people standing side-by-side holding hands. One is standing on a chair, while the other is standing on the floor. He then asked us which was easier: For the person on the chair to pull the person on the floor up, or for the person on the floor to pull the person on the chair down. Basic physics and gravity aside, the point was that it is generally easier for bad influences to impact good character than the other way around.

Paul shares this thought when speaking to the early Christians. He says that “Bad company corrupts good character.” (verse 33) He is telling the people of Corinth that there are a lot of folks out there saying that resurrection of the dead does not happen. If that were true, then Jesus would not have been resurrected either. And if Jesus had not been resurrected, what exactly are we doing? If resurrection wasn’t possible, even for Christ, then Paul says that the Apostles have been “false witnesses” and their faith is worthless. (verses 14-15)

It is important for us to surround ourselves with positive influences. When supported by those who share good character, we have strength in fighting off those things that might turn us away from doing what God created us to do. Also, when part of a positive peer group, it becomes easier to influence the “bad company” you come into contact with. So, if you find yourself standing on a chair next to someone standing on the floor, rather than hold their hand and see what happens, try offering them a chair instead.

What toxic influences do you encounter each day? How do these influences impact your walk with Christ and with others? Who, or what, are you surrounding yourself with?

Something to talk about: "Bad company corrupts good character." Describe a time when you experienced this warning in your life. What did you learn from your experience?